Missing the original

This is a night when I miss the old blog. It is much colder, much, much colder tonight than it was this morning. The wind is fierce and gusting. Guy number 16, 17, and 18 have ignored my correspondence and my neighbor is out on her second date with a guy she met on the same site. He contacted her first. My gut resembles what I fancy the first trimester of pregnancy would look like and I'm very blah. I feel like most women, that I could be more attractive if I lost twenty pounds (at least) but fifty pounds ago, I wasn't dating so I can't blame that on the lack of interest or response to my interest. I am so completely over this and so annoyed with myself for setting myself up for this kind of consistent rejection. I know I'm not every one's cup of tea, I'm just stunned and disappointed it is as bad virtually as it is in person. I really thought at least 1 of the 18 guys would at least say hello back. I've just removed all pictures of me from my profile. If traffic picks up, or someone writes, it will be telling. Not the sort of telling that is healthy but telling nonetheless. It's not like I don't know that confidence is attractive. I just don't have any (in that area-give me a gun or something to proof read and I will dazzle and amaze you). And for guys like Batman, the Groucho Marx quotation applies: I wouldn't want to be a member of any club that would have me. I swear I don't let on that I'm a total boob in my profile. I'm light and funny and witty. Really.

Moving on... The original site is gone. Archival efforts have not worked well. I reached out to a fellow Apple user and they agreed I might be SOL. If I want it on the web, I may have to cut and paste each entry into a new post. That's probably not going to happen. If men had hormone shifts every month, they would have long ago annihilated us all. So at least there's that.

post script to men (in general): I'm going to be awesome. I will do something great, be something great, and you will recognize there was value there all along. I don't do it for you or your approval, I do it in spite of a lack of both. To prove to myself that I have value even if you don't value me.

God, hormones are powerful. A possible future alternative energy source?