Sunday, September 21, 2008

Surprise!

I love surprises. I love the thoughtfulness of someone who wants to surprise me, the care they take in their subterfuge. I, like practically everyone, dread unpleasant surprises. Today I got a surprise of the latter variety. It's been a long time since I've taken any sustained time off and not worked or done stuff around the house or simply been ill so it was with great anticipation that I was looking forward to some time at the beach with very dear friends of mine. I picked a time that would not overlap with their other guests (family) who had a dog that mine did not get along with and arranged everything so that there would be minimal disruption and maximum down time. Today I called and after getting directions, after everything, at the very tail end of the conversation, she drops the bomb; her family isn't leaving. I'm still so disappointed I could cry. I love her family and and I love her but not giving me that information until the very last minute was wrong. I was looking forward to some down time, now I will be after my dog the entire time (which won't be fun for her), tense for some dog fight that will be unpleasant for everyone. I don't know how long she's known about this but I'm sure she's not been in a hurry to tell me. So now her difficult task is mine, do I go and make everyone else miserable and tense or do I stay and disappoint her? I feel like I'm essentially asking her to chose me or her family which isn't the case--not even a little bit. The issue is that I made decisions and plans based on circumstances that are no longer applicable. I hope she'll forgive me but I just don't want to do this, it's just too much at a time when I don't want anything else.

So I'm thinking, would a lie be better here than the truth? Lies are harder and I don't care for them, perhaps because I don't do it very well. But the truth here seems to serve me more than it serves her. If I tell her something came up at work then she'll likely suspect that I'm lying and that will chip away at the trust of a person who doesn't extend it easily. But if I tell her the truth, it will hurt her and that too, could erode some of the trust of our relationship. I don't know what to do.

One thing is for sure--I've got to get out of here, away from it all for a little time. I had been okay knowing that a break was coming but with the break I thought was coming off the table, it will wither me to press on.

2 comments:

IP said...

Epilogue: I didn't go. I didn't end up explaining myself much either. I think we all knew why I wasn't coming and it 'we' don't, then it won't really make anyone richer to make sure we're all on the same page about it.

Good-Grace said...

I'm glad I saw your post comment. I wouldn't have wanted to go either.